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mom- beautiful high school picture; my g

placebo_effectz in rip_mom_and_dad

I just keep expecting her to walk in the door any day.
I keep waiting on a phone call.
I hear her voice in my head, comforting me.
I'm still in disbelief that she, the STABLE... NORMAL one, in my family is gone.
I'll never see her smile again.
I'll never hear her bitch at me for calling and interrupting her movie/book again.
She'll never stop by unexpectedly with stuff for the kids & I again.
There is no one else that I can call at any time, slightly annoy, but will still listen to me and hear me out 100%.
No one else will EVER love me like she did.
The person who loved me more than anything else in the entire world, unconditionally and would od ANYTHING for me... is gone.....
The person who helped me through all the bad things during my pregnancy is GONE.
The person who hugged me and held me when I cried is gone.
The person who ALWAYS wanted to see me, even if the kids were annoying her is GONE.
The person who gave me life is gone.
The person I took to work in the mornings and made late sometimes when my van was broken, but she still forgave me and understood ... is GONE.
The most loving grandmother I'd ever seen is gone and Gabriel never got to know her.
THE ONLY PERSON WHO UNDERSTOOD ME (or tried to at least) is GONE.
THE LAST PERSON I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED T GO UNEXPECTEDLY IS GONE.

You know that hollow feeling you get in your abdomen when you've been crying for a long time/or are INCREDIBLY DEPRESSED... kind of like someone is stabbing you in the chest? I have that 24/7 now........

I am still in the denial phase.... I can't believe that any of this has happened and it's right in front of my face...

All I can say is that of everything *I* have learned in my life is that IRONY rules it. The most ironic and fucked up things that I would LEAST EXPECT always are the things to happen..........

I still NEED my mommy. There is not a doubt in my mind about that.

The ONLY person who could ever comfort me is no longer with us....... and I can't beleive it at all... I keep expecting to wake up and for her to be there, wanting me to spend the night and watch movies, telling me about the new book she read, talking about how cute the kids are..... I want to wake up...... but it's not a dream... IS it? :(
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You only have one mom.

I lost my mother in November 2000. I had come to the conclusion that it would be harder at first and then it would get easier as the years went by. BOY WAS I WRONG! Since my mother has died, I've gotten married, had a child, and become a stepmother. It was hardest at these times because this is when I needed her the most, there are so many days still that I just sit and think about how much different my life would be if she was still here. She was the one who pushed me to reach my goals, told me that I was "good enough", and comforted me when I felt bad. There is no one that can do that for me now, not the way that she did. I'm so glad that there are places online where I can vent about this and that people have a clue what I'm dealing with. I don't talk about my feelings about my mom very often because I just don't feel like I can. We only have one mom and when she is gone, our world turns upside down and it never gets easier. A mothers relationship with her kids is something that cannot be replaced by anyone or anything and I truly truly miss her.